How Love and Logic Saved My Sanity

Every once in a while, God throws a situation our way that is meant to test us.  It is one of those situations that is the subject of this post.  Please bear with me, as this one is a little lengthy.  But I want to share with you my journey, not just the destination.

This past school year, I had a class that challenged me in every way possible, like no other class had in the previous nine years of my teaching career.  I won’t dive into details, but let’s just say that by December, I had tried every behavior management tool I could find.  I had tapped into books, websites, colleagues, hoping that I could find that one thing that just might save my sanity.

You see, a very large chunk of my family heritage is German.  And it is a well known fact that Germans are stereotyped as being stubborn.  I have heard this phrase so many times over the course of my 34 years of life that I've just accepted it as truth.  

And so, I believe it was my German “stubbornness” that prevented me from giving up on finding a solution to my challenge.  Let's call it stubbornly persistent.  I refused to give up.  God would not have placed me in this situation without a reason.  I knew without a doubt there was something I was meant to learn from this.

At this same time I was also fighting battles on the home front.  M was struggling with reading, and there was a lot of frustration and tears at night when we tried to work with her.  As a teacher-mom, it was KILLING ME that she was having such a difficult time learning to read.

She had also developed an attitude.  Have you ever seen the movie 13 Going On 30?  Yeah, that was our house, except it was 5 Going On 15.  There was a lot of sass, drama, and stubbornness.  Like mother, like daughter.

I was losing my battles, and certainly not winning the war.  I was like General Lee at the end of the Civil War, trying to figure out what went wrong.  I mean, he was the best general in the country, and he LOST THE WAR.  Now I do not claim to be the best teacher in the country, or mother-of-the-year.  But I do believe I am resourceful.  And that resourcefulness led me to someone who would save my sanity with one suggestion.

It was no coincidence that my OCD had begun spiraling out of control.  In fact, I had a full-blow anxiety attack on Christmas Day.  So when we returned to school in January I asked our school guidance counselor for some recommendations for private counseling, and she gave me a few names.  I chose the one she said worked well with both adults and children, as I suspected M was headed down the OCD path as well.

After a few sessions with my counselor I knew she was the right person.  Because of her I now feel educated about my disorder, am equipped to handle the daily barrage of obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions, and I’m confident that the right person is counseling my child.

It was during one of my counseling sessions that I mentioned the challenges at home and at school.  My therapist’s secret weapon?  Love and Logic.

She explained that it would help me understand how to deal with discipline in a way that was both loving and logical.  It would allow both myself and the kids in my life to maintain our dignity in those types of situations.

At this point I had nothing to lose, so I bought an audio copy of the book Teaching with Love and Logic.  I have a half hour commute both ways, so listening to an audiobook is a perfect way for me to get some reading accomplished.  The morning that I listened to the first half hour of the book, I decided to try implementing one of the techniques that the Love and Logic program emphasizes – enforceable statements.  Instead of telling a child what will happen to them if they do or don’t do something (in other words, threatening, commanding, demanding), you tell them what YOU will do instead.  For example, instead of requesting over and over again for children to listen, you are supposed to say “I will only teach/talk when it’s quiet.”

Now I went into this thinking, “There is no way this is going to work.  If I tell them I will only teach when it’s quiet, that will give them an even bigger incentive to talk.”  So the first time I tried using that statement, I was blown away when the students all became quiet and gave me their attention.

It. Was. A. Miracle!!!

So the rest of the day went something like this:

“I will read when it’s quiet and everyone has their hands to themselves.”

“I will be happy to send you to lunch once everyone is in a straight line and not talking.”

“I will dismiss you once the floor is picked up and I see no trash lying around.”

“I only help students who are in their seat with their hand raised.”

And it worked.  It worked because I could enforce those statements.  They were not idle words of caution, or commands.  I was simply telling them what I would or would not do based upon their chosen behavior. 

After that, I was hooked.  I listened to the rest of the CD, and as I methodically began implementing the strategies from the program, I noticed a difference in my classroom.  I was doing more teaching and less disciplining.  Students were visiting the principal’s office a lot less because behaviors weren’t getting out of control.  I was going home at night happier, and more relaxed.  And I no longer felt like a failure.

With the raging success of using this in my classroom, I then moved on to the audio series Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.  It said it was practical parenting for birth to six years.  Bingo!

Thus began a radical overhaul of the way I handled the children I brought in to this world.  There was a lot more resistance from my own offspring.  But I stuck to my guns (remember, I’m stubbornly persistent) and eventually I found that I was happier, less stressed, and engaging in far fewer battles.  

From that point I never looked back.  I purchased so many Love and Logic products, most of them audiobooks, that I really should have purchased stock in the company.  It worked so well that I even convinced my husband to listen to the CDs so that we would be on the same parenting page.

Okay, I’ve said that this program is amazing, wonderful, fantastic, blah, blah, blah.  But I’ve been pretty vague on the specifics.  There are two reasons for that.  First, I wanted to testify how life changing this implementation was for me.  Second, there are a lot of techniques involved in the Love and Logic program, too many to write about in one blog post.  So I’m going to do a Love and Logic mini-series, and share with you some of the strategies that have worked the best for me both at home and at school.  Topics I plan on covering include:

*The Art of Enforceable Statements

*Delivering Effective Consequences

*Have An Energy Drain (my favorite!!!)

*Sharing Control

*Taming the Angry Beast

*Teaching Kids to Solve Their Own Problems

*Building Self-Concept

If you are interested in learning more about the program from the minds behind it, I encourage you to visit the Love and Logic website for more information.

See you real soon!

Allison

Essential Oils - A Love Affair

Oh essential oils.  How I love thee.

Here’s some irony for you.

A year ago, I thought essential oils were complete hokum.  I mean really, I can rub some sort of weird smelling oil on me and poof, headache gone?  Anxiety quelled?  Nausea eased?

Complete.  Hokum.

And then I moved to a new school building.  And I found out something painful - I was wrong.

Most of the teachers I work with are, as one put it, “all oiled up.”  It didn’t take long before I started asking things like, “Hey, is there an oil that would help with my allergies?”  Or, “Are there any oils that could help control my OCD?”

The next thing you know, I’m a doTERRA wellness advocate, I have a plethora of DIY recipes, and enough homemade oil concoction supplies (glass bottles, jars, labels, carrier oils, shea butter, cocoa butter, etc.) to open up my own health and wellness store.

In fact, just last week, the girls and I made our own diffuser bracelets with elastic string, colorful beads, and lava (volcanic) beads that I bought half off at Hobby Lobby.

Since M and I both have OCD, we need something that we can keep on us when we are away from home to diffuse relaxation oils.  Direct application to skin is awesome, but the oil and smell is quickly absorbed, and sometimes all I need is a whiff to give me the instant calm down my overworked brain is craving.

Towards the end of last school year, I started diffusing oils in my classroom for various purposes – germ-busting, focusing, calming, energizing, and so on, avoiding smells that students didn’t like.  But I also had a student who began using one of doTERRA’s products, In Tune to help with ADHD symptoms.  With parent permission, the student used it twice a day, in the morning, and right after lunch.  The adults who worked with this child (including the parent) could tell a difference.  There were less distractible moments, fewer angry outbursts, a calmer demeanor - the change was noticeable.

Since my collection of oils has literally tripled over the summer, I’m excited to find new ways to use them in my room, without directly applying them to my students.  Here are some of my favorite doTERRA oils that I diffused last year:
*Balance - helps promote a calm atmosphere
*Peppermint - provides focus, especially useful during testing
*Wild Orange - gives uplifted, energized feelings (great on Mondays)
*Serenity - calms emotions, provides relaxation
*Lemon - promotes a positive mood
*On Guard - supports a healthy immune system

And no EO teacher collection is complete without Past Tense and Deep Blue rub.  Perfect for those rare occasions when you experience muscle tension, especially in the shoulders, neck and head.

What about you?  Do you use essential oils in the classroom?  Are you interested in learning more about specific oils that both you and your class could benefit from?  What is your school policy (if any) on using EOs in the classroom?  Or are you like I was a year ago, and believe this is all complete hokum?

See ya soon!

Allison

Shopping Wise for School Supplies

Can we talk about school supplies for a second?

Oye.  Until I became a mom, I had no idea how expensive it was to get a kid ready for school.  And at this moment, I only have one of three kids in school.  Forget saving for college, I’m going to need to establish a fund for school supplies, clothes and fees just to get all three of them through elementary school.

M buying supplies for preschool two years ago.

Since beginning our clean-green-living, I’ve learned that it can be pretty darn expensive to live that way.  But I believe in it so much that I’m willing to find ways to save here and there so that we can afford this lifestyle.  Seriously, you should see my spreadsheet.  I might be a little obsessed.  But no worries, I have a good therapist.

This past weekend I downloaded M’s list of supplies for 1^st grade.  Wowzers, as a third grade teacher, it blows my mind that first graders need 5 boxes of 24-count crayons for a 9-month period of time.  But that means a lot of artwork, and M will love that!!

I diligently began price comparing, looking at Wal-Mart, Staples, CVS Pharmacy, Dollar Tree, and Walgreens.  No Target, Office Depot or Office Max within a short driving distance of where I live.  Boo.

At this point in time, I estimate it’s going to cost at least $20 for all of M’s supplies.  And some of her supplies I’m reusing from Kindergarten, like her scissors, 3-ring zippered pouch and headphones.  I’m also lucky because her MaMa bought her a new book bag before we went on vacation, and I talked her into using that for school.  It has characters on it from the Disney Channel Descendants movie.  I'm secretly a little jealous, that movie is one of my guilty pleasures.

But I still need to get a new lunch bag (her old one is in sad shape), a food thermos and drink thermos, and gym shoes.  Then there’s the school fees that will roll around at the beginning of the year.  Plus, because M is the oldest, she will need fall clothing.

The lunch bag, food thermos and drink thermos need to be durable and reliable because of the new way I will be packing her lunches, per our real food eating.  Still working on the gym shoes, I need to do my homework on that.  I will take any and all suggestions on where to find cheap shoes.

As for fall clothing, I’m scouring our basement for baby toys, baby gear, baby clothing, basically anything I can get my hands on that I can sell at Once Upon A Child.  I’m going to use the money I earn to pay for her fall clothing (at OUAC), and I took advantage of their clearance sales on summer clothing to buy ahead for next spring and summer.  So hopefully, clothing will pay for itself.

So what’s my point in all this rambling?

Back to school season can be a real drain on the wallet.  And if it seems expensive to me, what must the parents in my classroom think?  Especially the ones who can't really afford it?

I'm concerned for the families of my students who can barely make ends meet, who are lucky enough just to put food on the table each day.  The low or no-income families.

I know that parents who need assistance often have school fees waived, and not everyone has to get a new-to-them wardrobe because many have hand-me-downs from cousins.  But $20 (or more) of school supplies is still probably a strain financially, and if there is more than one child in school, it depletes funds even more.

I’ve spent the last few days mulling over the best way to help these families. 

One thing that helped me when generating my own school supply price list for M was a Back to School Cheat Sheet I found over at Passionate Penny Pincher (great blog!).  But it took a considerable amount of research on store websites, blogs, going through store ads, etc.  Right now I am blessed to have both the time and the resources to do my shopping homework.

So I created a list for parents of the cheapest places to find each item on my classroom supply list to post it on my class Facebook page and mail with the welcome letters I will send in August.  I'm hoping this will save some families time and hassle, so that they don't break the bank sending their kids back to school.

Click here to download the list for free, and edit to meet your needs!

So what do you think?  Am I worried over nothing?  Are there strategies used in your school or district to help families deal with the expense of back to school?  Please share below!

See ya real soon!

Allison

***UPDATE - It was brought to my attention that Staples will price match.  Click here to read a blog post about their 110% back to school price match guarantee.  That's right.  110%!!  Bam!

It was also suggested to me by a highly respected Kindergarten teacher that paying an extra $0.25 more to get the Crayola crayons at Walmart instead of the Cra-Z-Art was a better choice, because she feels they are better quality.  As a third grade teacher I don't really notice crayon quality, so I will defer to teachers of younger grade levels on this one.  I did notice that M's school supply list specifically said Crayola crayons, so that opinion must be shared by other primary teachers.