Love and Logic Tip #3 - The Energy Drain

When I was in high school, I participated in the school musical all four years.  My senior year I was even lucky enough to have the lead in one of my favorites, The Sound of Music.  Although for me, the draw was mainly the musicality of the show, I have to admit that I did enjoy the acting aspect of it as well.  It was fun to get to pretend for a few hours that I was living someone else’s life.  It was a challenge to portray a member of a small, proud Iowa community in 1912 , a Puerto Rican immigrant living in the Upper West Side of New York City in the mid 1950s, and a nun turned nanny turned wife and stepmother in Austria on the eve of the Anschluss in 1938.  I was surprised how much I enjoyed the acting side of being in a musical.

As a mother and a teacher, those acting skills have come in handy.

“That blob of colors that you just created with glitter glue is absolutely beautiful!”

“I would be happy to reschedule our parent teacher conference - for the third time!”

It so happens that my favorite Love and Logic technique also happens to require a little bit of acting. The purpose of an energy drain is to give you something to use when a natural consequence just isn’t possible, or easy to come up with.  Let’s face it, kids are pros at testing our creativity when it comes to consequences.

For example, my daughters, the oldest in particular, are champion whiners.  “I listen to big girl voices” only gets me so far.

When I can’t take the whining any longer, I whip out an energy drain.  Here’s how it works.  This first example is better suited for parenting, but I will explain in a minute how I use it in the classroom: I slap my hand to my forehead and announce in an exhausted voice, “Oh man, all this (fill in the blank) is draining my energy.”  If the behavior has been particularly draining, I might even flop onto the nearest couch or chair and stay there. I even slumped to the ground once with my back to the wall, legs sprawled on the floor.  I could have won an Academy Award that day.

I then follow this dramatic display with an explanation that I can no longer see to their wants.  You want me to refill your sippy cup with apple juice?  You want me to help you find the Frozen DVD so you can watch it for the five thousandth time?

“This is so sad, but Mommy just doesn’t have any energy left since I’ve been listening to you whine  all day.”

The following statement is where the magic happens:

“But maybe if you do something to put my energy back, I would be able to (fill in the blank).”

Now if your children are anything like my children, the first time you do this, they will respond with “thanks, but no thanks”, and move on.  That is, until they realize that you are actually serious.

“Mom, pleeeeeease, can’t you just help me find the Frozen DVD?!”

“Oh man, that does sound like fun, but like I just told you, I don’t have any energy to help you do that.”
After pondering their options for a second, they inevitably respond with:

“Okay, fine.  What do you want me to do?”

It’s usually at this point that trumpets sound and angels sing, because a miracle is occurring.  I then get to choose from a list of chores that need done, and explain that maybe, just maybe, if they take the clothes in the dryer out, and move over the clothes in the washer, that I just may have the strength to dig out that Frozen DVD.

Of course, you can choose any chore you like, just make sure it is something age appropriate, and a chore they aren’t likely to enjoy, and therefore won’t want to repeat.  Because the next time they begin draining your energy, all you will have to say is “Uh-oh, I think I feel an energy drain coming on.  Looks like you might be folding everybody’s underwear again...”  And that should end whatever behavior is draining your energy.

Now, although I say that having an energy drain requires some dramatic acting on your part, that doesn’t mean you are telling a lie.  On the contrary, when my children are whining/tattling/talking back/etc., it truly does drain my energy.  It just calls for some dramatization to really drive home the point.

So how can this transfer to the classroom?  Last year, the energy drain was a beautiful thing for me.  I started out by simply comparing it to a battery, and that every time they were noisy, didn’t follow directions, tattled on one another, caused arguments with one another, and so on, that they would drain a level of my energy.  Since so many of my students play video games, lowering energy levels was a concept they were familiar with.

I even went so far as to draw a battery on my whiteboard, with about 8 different notches.  Any time they did something that drained my energy, I erased a notch.  They knew that once my battery was emptied, that there would be something they were going to miss out on, like, extra recess.  I came across this strategy in early spring, so that was a no brainer.  They were itching to get outside.

The most magical thing occurred one day.  The classroom sounded like a pack of parrots, and I was moving towards the board to erase a notch, when I heard someone shout, “You GUYS!  Be quiet!  We’re going to drain her energy!”  Then, silence.

Dreams do come true.

As I said, energy drains are a perfect go to when you just cannot come up with an appropriate consequence.  It’s simple and effective, which is what I love about it.  Other than coming up with ways for them to restore my energy, it requires no creativity on my part.  Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best!

This is definitely one of my "Favorite Things."

Until next time - see ya real soon!
Allison

Want to find out more about Energy Drains?  Check out this pdf by Dr. Charles Fay from Love and Logic.  You can also check out the book Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Drain Your Energy.